The Great Disconnection

As a child growing up in the military, I was forced to move more often than most people do their whole lives.  The sacrifice of not bearing roots was usually outweighed by being exposed to numerous countries and cultures.  The greatest setback, of course, was my inability to hold onto friends.  The process of doing that was just too hard and seemed to damaging.  Think of being 13 years old, having your first boyfriend, having the best friends for the past 3 years, and being told you're moving in 30 days.  At the time, Facebook and MySpace were not even thought of.  Yes you can write once you have settled where ever you're going, but the truth is that it breaks your heart.  First, the wave of, "I'm losing everything" washes over your thoughts.  Typical teenage reaction I believe.  Second, regret.  Did you do everything you wanted to do with your friends?  I think at the time, I hadn't even had my first kiss.  The school dance was like a week away.  I mean, wondering even if going was worth it.  People think its just so easy to up and move like that.  Not realizing the hurt and pain one endures. 

As a result, as most military children do, I learned how to disconnect from people.  Yes, that sounds cruel, but how else do you expect someone to adjust quickly to going to a new school, when they have 4 new schools in 3 years.  Its just not that simple.  Over the years, I believe it has become so engraved in my personality that I have to catch myself.

But now as an adult, who really has spawn roots and then has voluntarily decided to move, I'm not sure how to react.  I want to disconnect as always, but it hurts just as much to do that than to hold on.  I'm sure that as I am struggling with this coping mechanism that I have, my friends in turn are just as confused.  So as I sit here trying to explain it to you in the best way I know how, I'm trying to figure out if it is understandable to the point that everyone around me will receive the epiphany I'm looking for.

I don't want to disconnect with my friends in Charlotte.  But I don't know how else to adjust to this situation.  Either way, I'm broken hearted.