Stepping Out on Faith

The move is right around the corner, and yet, I'm still not excited....  More worried than anything else.

What if I hate it in Texas?  What if my job over works me?  What if I hate my job?  What if I hate my manager.  What if I hate the city I live in?  What if my relationship doesn't work out?  What if I am a miserable mess from here on out...

I'm naturally an optimist, but I can't help but state the obvious here, I'm simply scared of the unknown.  As the logic person I am, I guess this is to be expected.

I always look forward to meeting new people, having new experiences, seeing new things.  Its what drives me.... so why am I scared?

Is it the mundane process of packing and throwing away and realizing that "hey, this packing process is taking WAY too long"?  Is it the tediousness of planning the move, lining up the funding, getting the ulcer.  I mean, seriously, not since the merger (of the banks) have I ever felt so stressed.... and I hate it.

I hate what this stress has done to me.... its made me a pessimist, assuming the worse of the situation, because the best is the least likely alternative....  Geez, that is such a depressing mindset.  How did I get here?

Can I hope that once the move has occurred, everything will be ok?  Is that a fair assessment?  What is considered "ok"?  What happens if things don't get better?  Is the fall harder due to the shatter of disappointed hopes?

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen. (Heb 11:1)

With God guiding my steps of course, I have the hope that a great future is in store for me in Texas.  That of a great career opportunity, the ability to finally get out of debt, the access to family I don't know very well, and maybe even the possibility of a family of my own.... I have hope in so many things that seem so far away, but my heart tells me to go towards them.  I know that God has plans for me that go beyond what one can plan for ones self.  The fact that God was able to bring true love in the form and method he has, the power in the series of events that have unfolded in my life, I believe in many things that seem so impossible to the everyday person.

So here I am, convincing myself that I am stepping out on faith, not because it is expected of me, but because, there are so many things that are in store for me, and who am I to stand in the way of my own blessings?

The devil would have me believe that I do not deserve the blessings that are, for lack of a better comparison, are my birth right.  God had this plan for me long before I was ever born.  And just knowing that alone, well, that makes this up and coming ulcer worth it.

Father, continue to guide my steps, ease my discomfort, and lighten my heart.  The journey is long and hard, but I do not want to be coarse when I come out of it.  Please allow me to grow and you have desired me to.  I'm ready to be who you have desired for me to be.