Stepping Out on Faith

The move is right around the corner, and yet, I'm still not excited....  More worried than anything else.

What if I hate it in Texas?  What if my job over works me?  What if I hate my job?  What if I hate my manager.  What if I hate the city I live in?  What if my relationship doesn't work out?  What if I am a miserable mess from here on out...

I'm naturally an optimist, but I can't help but state the obvious here, I'm simply scared of the unknown.  As the logic person I am, I guess this is to be expected.

I always look forward to meeting new people, having new experiences, seeing new things.  Its what drives me.... so why am I scared?

Is it the mundane process of packing and throwing away and realizing that "hey, this packing process is taking WAY too long"?  Is it the tediousness of planning the move, lining up the funding, getting the ulcer.  I mean, seriously, not since the merger (of the banks) have I ever felt so stressed.... and I hate it.

I hate what this stress has done to me.... its made me a pessimist, assuming the worse of the situation, because the best is the least likely alternative....  Geez, that is such a depressing mindset.  How did I get here?

Can I hope that once the move has occurred, everything will be ok?  Is that a fair assessment?  What is considered "ok"?  What happens if things don't get better?  Is the fall harder due to the shatter of disappointed hopes?

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen. (Heb 11:1)

With God guiding my steps of course, I have the hope that a great future is in store for me in Texas.  That of a great career opportunity, the ability to finally get out of debt, the access to family I don't know very well, and maybe even the possibility of a family of my own.... I have hope in so many things that seem so far away, but my heart tells me to go towards them.  I know that God has plans for me that go beyond what one can plan for ones self.  The fact that God was able to bring true love in the form and method he has, the power in the series of events that have unfolded in my life, I believe in many things that seem so impossible to the everyday person.

So here I am, convincing myself that I am stepping out on faith, not because it is expected of me, but because, there are so many things that are in store for me, and who am I to stand in the way of my own blessings?

The devil would have me believe that I do not deserve the blessings that are, for lack of a better comparison, are my birth right.  God had this plan for me long before I was ever born.  And just knowing that alone, well, that makes this up and coming ulcer worth it.

Father, continue to guide my steps, ease my discomfort, and lighten my heart.  The journey is long and hard, but I do not want to be coarse when I come out of it.  Please allow me to grow and you have desired me to.  I'm ready to be who you have desired for me to be.

And it begins with an ending.....

Today is my last day at a job I've had for 4 years.  How do I feel?

Excited!  Duh!  Although I have learned a great deal in my position with Wachovia, it is time for this career to take a leap of faith.  I will miss the comfort, the consistency that was present.  Even more so the comfortability.  But it is that comfortability that has caused me to look forward.

Monday I will start with Wells Fargo.  Although I'll be working Uptown for a while for training, my office will be in Plano, TX.  That's right, I said it.  I'M MOVING!  This has been a long time coming though, if you were not already aware of my initial intentions.

Anyway, I'm nervous, a new job, new people, new places.  As a military child, I guess I thrive off of what I'm calling a New Beginning.  At the same time, I guess you can say I'm anxious because Lord knows I don't want to fall flat on my face in the coming days, weeks, months, etc.  But I know I will, in usual "Jazlyn" form.  I guess the real question is, how graceful can I be in the midst of it all?

I guess above it all, I feel accomplished.  How can you not be excited about that?  My excitement is driven by 5 things:
1.  A New Job - The experience, the exposure, the sky is the limit it feels like.
2.  A New Beginning - Yes I'll be far from my family I have spent the last 4 years getting so close to.  But hopefully soon, this new beginning will be that of my own family as well.
3.  Change in Focus - Not to say I was doing too much, but it is apparent that over the years I have engrossed myself in so many organizations and endeavors.  I get to cut free and focus on myself.  The first item on the agenda, the gym!
4.  My Business - With all the new time on my hands, I will finally be able to finish my business plan and focus on my business.  Business actually has been booming lately, so I need to make sure I'm fully prepared for the next rush (Christmas).
5.  Me - God has been telling me all that he expects of me.  I feel like I may have disappointed him, but some how I know that my falters were expected of me.  As I would like to think God puts it, "Your stumbles wake you up.  You've become too comfortable in this walk, you're losing  your touch.  Let's change it up a bit."  I like to think God continues to challenge me as a coach challenges his players.  You're accomplished a and b, now lets look at c and d.  No room for complacency of course.

So with the ending to this life here in Charlotte, I look forward to my new beginning in hopes that it will be just as exciting as the old life was....

There is more to life than getting married...

Today is Mother's Day (Shout out to all the mama's, sistas, aunts, God Mom's, and church mom's out there).  As it is customary, the eldest women in my family's home church acknowledged the oldest female members, aka the Church Moms.  No, I didn't attend the service.  (my grandmother is old and doesn't go out.)  Anyway, I stopped by my Aunt's house after service to say Happy Mother's Day and what do I get?

"Jazlyn, I'm over 90.  When are you going to get married?  I want to see you married before I die."  Really?  Not saying I'll never get married, but its not up to me and my timing.  "Aunt Mae, there are more important things in life than getting married.  All the people I know who are miserable are married.  What about my career and my accomplishments thus far?  They would have never taken place had I already gotten married.  There are more important things than getting married."  That last statement was like Japanese to her.

So I pose the question, really, is getting married everything?